Variety: Oscars can learn from the porn awards!
"When Showtime debuted its broadcast of the 2008 Adult Video News Awards on March 14, the cabler made history with something often pursued but rarely achieved: an awards show that wasn't dull," Variety reports. "Could the Oscars learn something from the AVNs?"
Obvious answer: of course. But the poor, fuddy-duddy film academy has certain inevitable drawbacks, notes the trade paper: "Movie stars try to disguise all evidence of plastic surgery; porn stars put theirs on display. The Oscars must contend with five best-song perfs while AVN celebrates award categories like Best Group Sex Scene.
"However, the Showtime program also captured elements that mainstream award shows would love to embrace but too often don't.
"Discernible personalities: AVN's red-carpet hosts were rock star and porn director Dave Navarro and Wicked Pictures contract starlet Kirsten Price. They may be less recognizable than Ryan Seacrest, but they seem like a lot more fun to hang around with.
"Short speeches: AVN President Paul Fishbein says the show imposes no time limits on its winners. He doesn't have to; most porn stars don't thank their agents."
I know, I know what you're thinking: Enough with the snarky observations! Who won the awards?! Calm down, please, and CLICK HERE. (Beware: Links in this blog post connect with graphic content.)
Looks like "The Craving," "Coming Home," "Layout" and "Upload" swept. Winners of best actor and actress were "Layout" stars Tom Byron and Penny Flame. (Quit laughing! This is serious showbiz!)
Did you correctly predict the award for art direction in your office AVN pool? (Yes, "The Craving" again!) And best cinematography? ("Fashion Underground" — kinda like "Sex and the City" without the "city" part.)
Don't you just love the titles of these films? Like "Transexual Babysitters 2" (apparently, Part 1 was a classic deserving a sequel).
Speaking of hilarious porn titles, here are some of my favorites honored at the gay extension of those same Video News Awards: "Grunts" (best picture and actor, Jake Deckard), "When Bears Attack" (best specialty release), "Joey Amis Takes on the Cast of 'Mating Season' " . . . . Read all about the riotous event presided over by the lovely Lady Bunny — at GayPornTimes.com, CLICK HERE. Full winners' list: HERE. These gay porn awards are now so mainstream that Kathy Griffin hosted last year!
The poor rival Grabby Awards don't quite have the same prestige as the GAYAVNs, though. When they're doled out in Chicago in May, emcee will have to be trusty dragstress Chi Chi LaRue. But, as we all know, that's not settling. Chi Chi deserves 100 Oscars for all of the bravura perfs she's given under oversize wigs and behind the camera.
At the Grabbys, "Grunts" competes for more kudos glory, but so does my fave porn title of this last year: "Bottom of the 9th: Little Big League 3." READ MORE.
Sex-performance awards have now become so audacious that they're even bestowed for "escorts" — by Chi Chi LaRue, no less! Last Saturday night, she passed out "the Hookies" in West Hollywood. READ MORE.
